Humans Print GTA Cash. Cats Still Waiting for Tuna.

Humans, forever fascinated by shiny things and imaginary money, have managed to siphon over $1 million a day from their little game, GTA Online. Yes, just by pressing buttons and chasing cars in digital Los Santos, their favorite game studio now lounges atop a virtual mountain of cash. Data hackers—clearly with too much time (and not enough nap breaks)—have spilled the beans, confirming what any cat could guess: humans never tire of chasing their own tails. Meanwhile, Red Dead Online hobbles along in its dusty boots, earning pocket change. Horses, sunsets, storytelling—so quaint, so utterly unprofitable. Compared to GTA’s city chaos, it appears slow motion isn’t just a style, it’s an earnings strategy. Maybe if Rockstar added more mouse-chasing, the numbers would perk up. And as human players race speedboats full of cash, Rockstar’s bank account purrs. Yet, for all their digital wealth, I notice my treat bowl remains suspiciously empty. Who knew the real winner in all this would be a company, not a feline? (Based on: real news about Rockstar’s GTA Online earnings leak)